“The
traveler’s past changes according to the route he has followed: not the
immediate
past,
that is, to which each day that goes by adds a day, but the more remote
past.
Arriving at each new city, the traveler finds again a past of his that he
did not
know he had: the foreignness of what you no longer are or no longer
possess
lies in wait for you in foreign, unpossessed places.” –Italo
Calvino
Soon after arriving in
Guyana, I marked BARBADOS in big, bold letters on my calendar for
December. I barely knew much about
Guyana, let alone Barbados, but that was where I was determined to go in
December, even if I had to swim over myself and pitch a tent somewhere. I only really knew there were white sand
beaches and clear water, which was enough to spark some interest. The flight promised to be reasonable and what
other time in my life would I be so close to this country? As time went on, rumors of other volunteers’
visits lapped in my ears. Delicious
foods like sushi, time to relax, no trash, places to go out further fueled my
desire to go. Still, quite
characteristic of myself I barely made our flight out. I am highly motivated by food it seems and I
just had to stop at Bruester’s before Matt, another volunteer, and I headed
out. Nevertheless, we made it and an
hour plane ride later, we stepped foot in Barbados. I also got to meet up with my two good
friends from home, which was amazing and comforting to see them. Just being able to hang out with them like
old times made the trip even more worthwhile.
Barbados
was like having one foot in the Caribbean and one foot in America at the same
time. It was glorious. We went into the supermarket and I think I
did back flips and cartwheels in sheer joy.
Luckily, Matt was there to share my excitement because my two friends
from home were sort of like “Really?
It’s just a supermarket!” I think I blacked out at some point of that
shopping trip and woke up somewhere in the cheese aisle drooling with like 5
different types of cheese already in my basket.
I did sort of resist things at first. Maybe it was a little reverse culture
shock. I went running and was annoyed by
how touristy things were. Where were all the mango trees, the market to buy
greens? Is that a Soursop tree? Where did all these other white people come
from? Is there any Bajan food? Then I started to notice, no one was yelling
or sipping at me while I was running.
The streets were very clean, no trash.
There were public buses that were big, and ran relatively on time. I could walk around and not have to worry
about people bothering me or being chased by angry dogs. Suddenly all of the stressors I just factored
into my everyday life were lifted and I was conveniently left with white sand
beaches and the clearest blue water I had ever seen in my life. I did however, not forget about Guyanese
culture. I asked for pepper sauce when I
ordered my food, I had a few phrases and a slight accent I couldn’t shake, and
I was making comparisons between the Guyanese and Bajans.
“You like pepper?? Where are
you from?” “Your accent is interesting,
where did you learn that phrase?” “You
live in Guyana? Are you married to a
Guyanese?”
I probably was irritating
with my inclination to compare Guyana with Barbados, but it was interesting to
me. Those comments made me feel a little
less touristy because I felt like I actually knew something about Caribbean
culture. It was probably also driven by
the heavily ingrained Peace Corps doctrine to integrate, integrate,
integrate. I noticed I did possess a
confidence to navigate a new place. I
road on the public buses, not entirely sure where they went; I got pretty lost
one day and just asked people until I found my way. I wasn’t worried or scared, I had been
navigating a new place for 10 months now and it was sort of old hat. It was also funny to see some things that my
friends were worried about, such as no A/C, bugs, lighting a gas stove, I just
sort of shrugged. I’m sure it was funny
for them to see me freak out about having some of my clothes washed by a
washing machine, being able to do my hair, and did I mention eating lots of
good food? I even smoothed talked our
way to get into this sushi place when the guy originally said they were
packed. “But we are Peace Corps
volunteers living in Guyana” I pleaded, “this is our one real shot at sushi for
a long time, we can sit at separate tables, it’s not a big deal.” As long as we got to eat sushi and we did.
I was relaxed, comfortable really and
I didn’t even realize that I had needed a vacation. Luckily, those bold letters were marked on my
calendar and I followed through. I saw
beautiful beaches, hung out with my friends, and maybe stayed up a little too
late. Did I mention it was glorious? As the last day of the trip rolled around, I
started to get this feeling of anxiousness that gurgled up from the bottom of
my stomach. I had found something I
didn’t know I missed or had just buried it far enough down so I didn’t think I
missed it. If you look at my last blog
post, I talked about being so invested in Guyana. I do care, so why did the very thought of
going back made me so horribly uneasy? I
still don’t think I can quite explain it, but the aforementioned quote might
help a little.
“The traveler finds again a past of
his that he did not know he had: the foreignness of what you no longer are or
no longer possess”
In the new land of Barbados, I dug up
things I no longer possess in Guyana. I
am pretty certain we bury those things because it just makes life easier. It doesn’t mean that you don’t want them
back; they are just treasures waiting for another day. Unfortunately, when you aren’t yet half way
through your service, digging them up and burying them back again can be a bit
painful. It reminds me that doing Peace
Corps and living in Guyana takes a lot of motivation. I have lived here for long enough that I didn’t
notice the absence of those things as much; I just took it in stride. We always talk about not having the “real”
Peace Corps experience living in Guyana, but it is safe to say that we do face
our share of challenges.
I would love to go home for the holidays
but judging by my reluctance to leave Barbados, I am not sure how I would have
handled leaving home again. Fortunately,
the other volunteers leaving Barbados felt the same way and we were able to
commiserate. We all made the choice to
be here and we all know we want to be; sometimes it just takes some extra
convincing, especially when you are leaving a place close to paradise. Now Barbados is starting to seem like some
sort of dream as my mind becomes clearer of my present circumstances. It all did happen I am certain (and have
photo evidence), but the further it escapes the view of the rearview mirror,
the more reminding you have to do. At
some point you just get tired of it and set your eyes on enjoying the present. If
all else fails, just turn up the music and dance.
I now get to enjoy a 3 week break
because my students have a Christmas concert and dinner this week and then 2
weeks off after that. I will be
attending several Christmas concerts, dinners, and holiday lightings. We
also are getting together as volunteers to celebrate Christmas and possibly New
Years. I am sure I will find more things
to keep myself busy and get ready for the start of a new year. My little neighbors are also mad at me for
being away so much so I bet a lot of my time will be spent with them. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas
and an excellent New Years!!! I will be
thinking about you all as I celebrate in Guyanese fashion. :-D
Lots of Love,
KB
P.S.
I was reminded that Guyana still has snorkeling and a wonderful beach! :-)