A Visit to America

Whew!  What a mixed bag it was visiting the U.S.!   I imagined what it would be like for so long and now it has turned into kind of a blip on the map.  It definitely turned out much different than I thought it would.  In a way, I thought I’d be running down the streets skipping with joy, but I think I was a lot more dazed and confused.  Luckily I wasn't too confused to eat 5 Chipotle burritos!  

  Everything felt normal or maybe I was just silently overwhelmed.  Home always has a tendency to fit like your favorite pair of shoes, but for some reason it was just a little bit off.  Maybe it was the clash of living between two worlds that both vie for my attention.  I was incredibly happy to see my family and friends.  They were extremely welcoming and excited and absolutely wonderful.  People came by cars, planes, and trains just to hangout and it was amazing.

   In an odd way though, there was some weird gap that I felt hung right between our lives.  I left the U.S., D.C., my friends, and family bundled up inside, away from the chilly East Coast winter.  In my mind, bundled up was where they stayed.  Yes, I heard about big events and chatted away on Skype dates, but in a way everything was just standing still in my mind.  It felt different than coming home from college because everyone’s home life is put on hold when you go away to school.  Everyone picks it back up again when they return.  In this case, I was the only one who had pushed pause and everyone was going about comfortably in play.  So I returned back in a state of fast forward.  It wasn’t too bad, but I could sense that I was emotional and a bit tired from trying to keep up with everything.  I wanted to just dive into things as if they didn’t change and I hadn’t left, which is unrealistic.  It is unsettling when you miss a “home” in your mind that is different from what it actually is now. 

I did have those moments though that I could just breathe in and relish in.  Like riding on the metro late at night with jumbo slice pizza, doing work in my favorite coffee shop, watching the city bustle for the morning commute, eating AMAZING Italian food and crying from laughing so hard, making fun of SLOW MO features, driving and blasting music, seeing my old co-workers from Mary’s Center, sitting and snuggling on the coach with my dog and chatting with my family, crescent trail running, sharing good food and drinks with friends and reliving crazy memories of road trips or studying abroad, and wearing silly hats while hangin out.  

One morning I was watching people get on their way with their morning commute, grabbing coffee and reading the Express and I was envious, nostalgic really.  There is something about being a working person in the city that has always been romantic to me.  The funny thing is that I used to have a 9-5 job, with that same metro commute.  Half the time I wished I could just go travel and live somewhere else.  It is funny sometimes how the grass always seems greener.  But as the saying goes, it is always greener where you water it.  

I think that’s the thing. I have spent a lot of time making a life in Guyana and I can see I’ve done a pretty good job; my life isn’t exactly in D.C. anymore.  I also realized that a part of me has always been there hanging on, boots stuck in the mud like a stubborn little girl throwing a tantrum.  This time when I left, I scooped her up; it was time to take her with me and she knew it.  It is hard to be fully somewhere when another part of you is trying to get you to turn back around.  You have to leave things as they were and maybe they were meant to be left that way, so that years later you can get together and talk about them, like that trip to Spain, or that crazy night. 

I do know that friendship is one thing that bridges space and time.  It was amazing how you can just pick back up with people like old times.  It is truly the love and support of friends and family that have made it possible for me to even have the courage to do something like the Peace Corps, well anything in life really.  Although I’d love to go back and just be, we all have our own lives that have carried us to different places, which is pretty amazing to see.  

  So alas, I am back in Guyana with another 10 months to go.  I have already hit the ground running with Camp GLOW planning, meeting the newbies, among other things.  I think July and August are going to be busy months filled with camps so I’m gearing up for that.  If you don’t hear from me til late August, you know why.  

 

 Overall, I am so happy I was able to go home to visit and I want to thank everyone for their love and support.  I’ll be back jus’ now and in the meantime, you are always welcome to come visit me in the wild land of Guyana! :-)

-KB

P.S. I made in through an entire blog entry without using any quotes….whhaaatt???!

Another Year Older, Maybe Wiser?

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad”

My co-workers and I eating chocolate pudding pie

Well it has happened.  Give a school child a rounding drill and you would see me lumped in with the 30s. Of course, there is still a lot to do between now and my 30^th birthday, but sometimes I wish I had a bit of an extension in my younger 20s.  Since this is my second birthday I have celebrated here, I can make some comparisons.  My first birthday I called my “Merry Little Birthday” because I was mostly new here and didn’t know that many people.  While I don’t like getting older, I like celebrating birthdays so it was strange to just sit at home watching movies and eating French Fries.  This year I can honestly say was one of the best birthdays I have had in a while.
  I made chocolate pudding pie and Quesadillas at work and then went to Karaoke at night with some friends.  I was very sleep deprived Friday, but managed to make sushi. Saturday I went to the beach and that night went out with a set of women from a group I work with.  Everyone was incredibly sweet and I was impressed that so many people remembered it was my birthday.  Many people offered many words of kindness and even a few surprise gifts.  I am very fortunate to have met such nice, kind people here.  One of my friends commented on what we would do next year.  The crazy thing is that next year I am supposed to COS April 4^th, right before my birthday.  I really can’t say right now whether I will have already left Guyana or if I will still be here. 

Playing for Indian Arrival Day

While the timing of my trip in 2014 is still uncertain, I am getting closer to my first visit to the U.S. since I’ve moved to Guyana.  It will have been 15 months since I have been home.  I have always gone to school far away or have jumped at any chance to travel, but the longest I have been away from home is about 3 months.  I am charting unknown territory, which is nothing new but this time it is bit more personal.  This time I am a visitor to my home, to what I have missed for 15 months, to people I haven’t seen.  I have been pretty lucky in terms of communicating with many people, but it is still not the same thing as being there.  On one hand I am so so so excited to be back home, to see my family and friends, and to eat all the foods I’ve been missing.  On the other hand, I am nervous.  Every time you are away for a while, you don’t see things in the same way as before.  Your vision changes, some things become uglier when under a different focus. Sometimes a different type of beauty can appear.  Am I going to like what I see as I did before?  I am also quite good at convincing myself that I don’t miss things.  But as they did in Barbados, I am certain the things that I have buried for so long will come back to the surface like those dang Cicadas that are supposed to be out when I return home.  When you find comfort again in things you have missed, it can be a tough process to give them up all over again.

Indian Arrival Day

Last day of diabetes class

So how do I find myself wiser?  Well, many Guyanese will tell you to nah tek stress.  If you ever worry or stress over all of the things that are supposed to take place or are planned here, you would easily have a heart attack.  Most of the time things change drastically from what they are supposed to be.  They start late, get cancelled at the last minute, or are somehow interrupted.  I was recently in a play for a very important Indian Arrival Day with another volunteer.  There were supposed to be thousands of audience members and it was supposed to start at a certain time.   In the end we started about an hour late, there were much less people than expected, oh and our play was cut short so I didn’t even say all of my lines.  I kind of expected something strange to happen and I was barely nervous even though I HATE public speaking.  When it comes down to it, you never know what really will happen the only thing you can do is try to be prepared.  In the end, life is always right so why worry too much?

I also know I will be leaving Guyana with a whole set of things to do once I get back.  We have NEWBIES!!!  GUY25 is here (we welcomed them bleary eyed at the airport) so I will get to do a training session with them.  Not to mention spending time getting to know them.  Also, Camp GLOW is coming up again and there is a never ending to do list related to that.  Of course I have a lot of other plans that keep cropping up, such as milking a cow for the first time and other important matters.  Unfortunately, time is starting to run out on my growing list of things to do. 

Taking blood pressure at my last diabetes class

So instead of signing off hoping you all are doing well, I can hope that I will see you in the good ole U S of A, so you can tell me in person….
 jus now! :-D

-KB

Cooking in Guyana.....Casseri

Rachael, another PCV is drinking a traditional Amerindian drink Cassiri.  It is made by chewing Cassava and then letting it ferment.  The cassava is brought in to the villages from farms that can be a 2 hour walk away.  It is custom for hosts to bring out a bowl of Cassiri or yam drink to visitors.  The longer they want you to stay, the larger the bowl they give you.

Not Your Typical Road

Robert Frost talked about the importance of taking the road less traveled.  In his eyes it has “made all the difference.”  What difference is he talking about?  How do we know what the differences are if we only get to travel down one path at a time?  We don’t really get to compare.  Or do we? 

I am now 13 months into my service, pretty much smack dab in the middle.  I have reached the peak and am looking downhill towards the other side.  The only issue with traveling downhill is things tend to pick up speed.  It boggles my mind that an experience I dreamed about doing 4 years ago has not only come to reality, but now it is almost half way over.  Where did the time go?  I remember when people told me to enjoy college because it is the only time you will ever live that way in your life and it will go by quick.   I definitely could say the same thing about being in Guyana.  Those words resonate even louder as we say goodbye to the group above us- GUY23.  It seems like we just met them, our big brothers and sisters, our guides and mentors who taught us how to navigate this once foreign place.  We have lamented their struggles and cheered their successes and no matter what, we have seen them leave here as changed individuals.  It reminds me that I am not here forever.  That a once far off dream will eventually give way to the next one.  That I need to hold on even tighter to the moments I have gingerly cupped in my hands because they too will slip through the cracks like tiny grains of sand.  

 

When you are this far into your service you tend to forget just how far you have come.  You start to regard everything as normal and matter-of-factly.  Fortunately, there have been some visitors to refresh my perspective.  I had the opportunity to work with Builders Beyond Borders (B3), a group that takes young high school aged students to different communities around the world to help build much needed edifices.  They do a lot of hard, manual labor for the week, but they definitely have some fun too.  I felt like it would be a bit daunting to interact with a bunch of teens from an affluent community in Connecticut, but it actually went really well.  It was enjoyable to talk about some familiar things from the U.S. and they had a ton of question about Guyana.  They did sacrifice part of their spring break and raised money to help build a community center just to work all day in the hot sun to get it built.  I think that is pretty generous.  It was fun to play tour guide and share different foods or explain why people sip or grown men carry around little birds in cages.  I took them around New Amsterdam, in which it was pretty funny to see the Guyanese react to 30 white people getting off of a bus in the middle of town.  It was also strange because I felt like I was caught up in between the American world and the Guyanese world.  At times I felt like I was going back and forth explaining what was going on with everyone and trying to figure out where exactly I fit in.  One of the girls from the B3 group said she liked the way I talked.  I was amused because I don’t think I really talk much different than before.

Working with the B3 group made me realize a thing or two about this so called “road less traveled.”  A few of the leaders expressed their affinity towards Peace Corps.  They all seemed pretty interested in the experience and a bit remorseful about not having been a volunteer in their past.  Even though it hasn’t always been easy, I am very grateful that I am living that “experience” instead of being somewhere else wishing I had done it.  As Mr. Frost laments, even if he had “marked the first [path] for another day”, “knowing how way leads on to way” he “doubted if [he] should ever come back.” We don’t really know what our lives will be like choosing one path over another but once you choose a path it can be hard to go back.   Ultimately, you will be a different person than before and the two paths you have to choose from might look very different as well.  I doubt I will ever live the exact same way I do now nor will I have the opportunity to for a while.

Being around a bunch of high school students also reminded me of how much I have grown.   I thought about my high school self and all of the different experiences I have had on the way to where I am now.  I can tell you I have changed a lot because of those experiences.   I hope I will always been open to new experiences and adventure, to eat foods that I am not familiar with, to go out and explore the trail that just might lead to a beautiful place, or to sit down and be endlessly intrigued by someone else’s life story.  I am not sure if those are things along the road less traveled, but I can tell you those things are not a priority on everybody’s road.  Has doing some of these things made all the difference?   You might have to ask my former high school self what she thinks of me now, but I have a hunch she is leaning towards yes.

Since I've been here for a year, we had Paghwah and Mashrimani Round 2.  Check out some pics below:

Mash in New Amsterdam

My co-workers and I celebrating Mash

One of the tutors and I eating Seven Curry

My little neighbor Alona covered in Phagwah Powder

Students eating Seven Curry

My little neighbors and I playing Phagwah

Friend and I celebrating the Easter holiday at a water resort called Splashmin's