The Two Week Warning

I am leaving in about two weeks’ time, yet it doesn’t feel like it.  I am busy as always, finishing things up, making the most of my time.  Sleep is starting to become optional.  I’d rather spend as much time with people as I can.  I walk the streets here comfortable, like I’ve been here for a while; I have been here a good while but only a blip in the terms of my life.  I watch people, the woman at the shop tending to customers, children making fun of each other on their bikes; it will all go on when I am gone.  People will continue to do the same things they have always done.  The only difference is that I will no longer be here.  At this moment, I can’t imagine what it will be like to not be coming back here, it hasn’t sunk in yet and I’m not sure when it will.  Actually, I’m a little frightened of that moment to be honest.  I’m at a point where I know it is coming, I know it is going to hurt, there is nothing that makes me want to leave, but still my next adventure is calling me so it is time to go.

I think your eyes are open widest when you are seeing a place for the first time and then for the last time.  When I first got here I was making observations, trying to figure out what it all meant, what people were doing, learning what sights and sounds should be familiar.  Now it makes sense.  I have to keep myself from laughing sometimes because I recognize certain things as “so Guyanese,” things that only really happen when you live here.   Yet I’m still meeting new people and every time I do new doors open to things I haven’t seen before.  And I thought two years was a long time.   We had our Close of Service Conference at the end of January, which was supposed to be a reflective, emotional time to say good bye to each other and hang out. Unfortunately, a crazy stomach bug struck, reminding us that even after two years, life in Guyana is still unpredictable and it still can be tough to get by sometimes.  I think that is another reason why leaving doesn’t quite seem real.  Our COS didn’t really seem like a COS.  I also have been working like normal.  I’m finishing up my courses at school, and will probably work until the last week I’m here.  I am not one to sit around and take a long time to pack.  If I sit alone for too long you might as well buy me boxes of tissues because all I will do is cry for a good portion of the time.  I really don’t like doing that so I try to remain busy and if I don’t acknowledge things too much, it isn’t really happening.  IGNOREance is bliss right?

I was away from site for a bit with a whole set of doctors and dentist appoints you have to go through with COS stuff.  Goodness!  I was pretty ready to get back after my medical appointments and follow-ups kept me out of my site for 6 days.  I ended up getting 8 moles removed, which I would have thought to be a minor procedure, but I was admitted to the hospital for the day.  I went to the OR (Operation Theatre here), got stiches for the first time, and everything.  It did make me very excited that I will be doing nursing in the fall, so I will actually know what things are and proper procedures for things.  It definitely was an interesting experience and I have realized that I will never make a good patient.  It was really hard to let a nurse walk me to a place or listen to her when I should have been lying down in bed.  Normally, I like to take care of people, so it was really weird to have someone assisting me.

Despite trying to wind things down, I feel like they are winding up in a way. I attended a mini-BRO (Brothers Reaching Others) a boy’s leadership camp in Linden.  I was very excited to be a part of this because it symbolizes the start of a next venture for the Gender and Development Taskforce.  We have put on girl’s camps and a large boy’s camp is our next step.  It is just really cool to see something you have thought about and planned for become a reality.  It shows me that we have made some amazing strides in this area.    I also got the GLOW girls from my area together for a little party.  We made pizzas, cookies, and watched movies.  It was just a fun day to hang out, relax, and reminisce a bit about camp.  It also helps to keep our network of girl strong and encourages them to support one another, plus I love hanging out with them and seeing what they are up to.   

One of my most recent moments that really just astounded me (in a good way) was the training I led for the Cancer Society.  We all recognized that the members wanted training so that they too could give health talks about cancer and improve their own knowledge; we just never found a good time to do it.  Since I am leaving so soon, we finally arranged a date.  I asked the President to call the members and tell them I would bring a snack as a somewhat motivator for them to come out.  Normally, we get a handful of members at our meetings and I really expected the same amount.  When I arrive at the meeting, there were over 15 members there ready for the training.  I couldn’t believe it!  I am not sure if it was because I am leaving, because they were threatened (a joke), or what, but I was impressed.   Even more encouraging, all members listened and interacted for over two hours!  I made macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, and cookies as a dinner / reward for the hard work they put into the session.  They were all so excited about the information and I think about having the tools now to go help others.  These women are simply community members that care about raising awareness about cancer and their willingness to learn simply humbled me in an inexplicable way.  I had to hide the tears that came to my eyes when we were closing our meeting because I was so proud and touched by each and every member.  One older woman came up and gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and dashed away in smiles. 

I never intended to make great waves being here, to build anything great, or to be rewarded and praised for doing a whole set of things.  I only brought some knowledge that I learned through my studies and was willing to put the time and energy into working with who ever wanted to learn.  I always remember a slide in one of my lectures that says “health promotion is not done to, on or at people, but rather by working with people.”  This might have been one of my top moments here, working with these women so that they can do something big. 

Two weeks and I will no longer be a PCV, I will embark on a next journey that will surely include finding ways to keep these moments I’ve had in Guyana alive. 

I think I will have one last post before I head out.    Spring better don come out der up North cuz me not able wit all dem snow storms up der budday… :-)

-KB

A Long Overdue Re-Cap of Camp GLOW

I blinked.  I knew this would happen.  I blinked and now is has been three months since I wrote my last blog post.  Ever since I visited the U.S. in May I’ve been on the go here in Guyana.  It has been some kind of beautiful disaster.  I’ve found myself both scraping the barrel for the last bits of my own energy as well as dancing around in absolute elation. 
This year Camp GLOW was INTENSE.  It was like squeezing a tube of toothpaste and having it all come out at once.  All of my physical, mental, and whatever other capacities that encompass a body were put to the test; limited sleep, running from one place to the next, talking girls into feeling less homesick, getting people into the right session at the right time, emergencies, guest speakers, the list could go on.  Everything was so here and now you could barely think 10 seconds beyond your current moment.  We had 75 girls from every region of Guyana except one.  I personally trekked out on a bumpy 9 hour bus ride (one way) to go and collect a set of girls from a remote Amerindian village.  It was quite a journey.  Along the way back, several girls got sick and our bus wheel fell off and had to be tied on with rope to last the remaining hour and a half ride.  The girls I collected were extremely brave, some of them had never in their life been out of their remote village before, let alone on a long 9 hour mini bus ride with a broken wheel.  They were troopers and also probably cursing me under their breath in Padamona. 
Camp still had its magical flow.  The girls came in unsure, shy, and homesick.  They were uncertain of things and were very cautious.  Then everything took off.  We had arts and crafts, sessions on health, skits, guest speakers, sessions on slam poetry, modern dance, and creative writing.  We relieved stress by pelting a board with paintballs aimed at targets such “boys” or “money” or “school.”  We ran around attacking each other with shaving cream and water balloons, we ate ice cream, and sang camp songs.  You could see it in bright smiles and sparkling eyes, the girls were opening up.  They were laughing with each other, teaching each other dances, sharing their newly created poems and songs.  They even had the courage to share stories they had never told anybody else.  This is usually the hardest part for me.  That despite their beautiful smiles and laughter, camp might have been the one time they have ever truly felt safe or have had full stomachs or felt like they really mattered.  That despite things in their lives that no one their age should ever have to know, they still have the courage to remain standing and have hopes and dreams to pursue.  One girl said that camp gave her hope and the drive to push through some of the challenges that she was facing.  It was that same girl I almost gave up on.  I almost didn’t make the effort to really reach out and get her to camp.  Her statement completely rattled me.  As a Peace Corps volunteer, you don’t see a lot of big victories, but sometimes those small efforts you do make can mean a lot more than you think or ever will know. 
At the rate I’m going if I blink twice, everything will be over.  Things are just moving that quickly.  People are beginning to tell me my time is up jus' now and ask if I am ready to leave.  Six months is still a lot of time, but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to leave.  The longer I’m here, the more things I could see myself doing or getting involved with.  Yes, trying to accomplish things can be frustrating or make you feel disenchanted.  But it is also challenging and rewarding and….I kind of love it.  Now here is the issue, you take the time to know a country, a culture, and people and are at a point where you could keep going and try to make a significant impact and then it’s time to leave.  It’s like breaking up with someone and having this knowledge about a person you will never use again in any other context.  All that time it took is gone and you could do a world of good if you just stayed where you are.   Maybe it is because I am reading Mountains Beyond Mountains but I have some inner conflict with knowing when to stay or leave.  Paul Farmer just picks Haiti and decides to stay there (there is more to it than that, but that is the gist).  Because he takes so much time to be immersed in the country he is able to have a huge impact on health there.  The crazy thing is he was younger than I am now when he made his decision to stay put.  I know I am not Paul Farmer, I will leave Guyana, not that I particularly want to, but because I know I need to go one step further before I feel adequately equipped to answer the question of staying.   Of course Paul Farmer traveled between Haiti and Boston while completing medical school, but I get the feeling he is kind of an over achiever.  ;-)            
September was a much quieter month .  I have been teaching, trying to start/finish my practicum, and applying to nursing school.  I get so distracted by all the possibilities of traveling, school, where I will live, jobs, etc. that I haven’t been super productive at moving towards any of these things.  If you are interested in traveling around South America (maybe Brazil, Bolivia, Peru) at the end of March/ early April, let me know.  I’d be happy to travel with someone, even if it is for a week.  :-) I am also on a potato / veggies and rice diet for a while because I am trying to save money to see Kaieteur Falls in October.  A bunch of us are going to do an overland hike, which I am REALLY excited about.  Alright, I think that is it for now.  Hope all is well and you all are looking forward to the crisp fall weather.  Send some cool thoughts down South, its been hot down here!
 
Much Love,
-KB      

The Year of No Expectations

I have been thinking a lot about how I wanted to write my first year reflection.   I also figured I’d better just start and get it over with because I know how time goes here.  

“Expectation is the root of all heartache”-William Shakespeare

The Demerara river the separates Wizmer and Mckenzie

Upon submitting my application to Peace Corps, I was told to have no expectations.  Do not expect anything about where you will end up, how you will be living, or the job you will be doing.  Expectations lead to disappointment and only muddle your experience.  Well that sounded easy enough.  I am pretty open-minded, would go most places, and as long as I was working in health I was good to go.  Unfortunately, being open-minded and having no expectations are two different things.  I expected to serve in Guatemala and that turned out to be my first lesson in the no expectations rule.  Having no expectations even meant that you were not guaranteed to go anywhere, even if they said you would.  I wasn’t about to touch the hot pot twice, so I really tried to let everything go.  I put my faith in the process and hoped for the best.  Of course, no matter how hard you try not to have them, expectations are always there.  I certainly had to wrangle with a few when I came here and probably still am.  The thing about having certain expectations in the Peace Corps is that every individual’s experience is completely different.  I know that is one of those cliché Peace Corps statements, but everyone is in such a unique situation.  We all miss different things or people from home, some cultural things might bother some more than others, we all live in different houses with all sorts of neighbors, and of course we all work in different places.  How we react to everything, how we cope, is all up to each individual volunteer.  The place you might have expected to be might have been the worst place for you.  You never really know.  The beauty with not expecting much is that you become an open vessel.  As you go along, you become filled with the things around you and you begin to accept life in a new form, for better or for worse.  If you are full to begin with, how would you have room for anything more?

Walking around Linden

For the past year, I have tried to live in Guyana with as few expectations as possible, just trying to soak it all in.  Believe me; I have become saturated with so many things. Now as I enter year two, I get to have some expectations again.  I know to arrive to meetings about 15 minutes late so I get there “on-time.”  I know I will see some assortment of livestock running around on my way to work.  More importantly, I have more realistic expectations as to what I could accomplish here.  I use ‘could’ because I also recognize that I am still in Peace Corps, I am still living in a foreign country and I know the unexpected can happen anywhere, but for some reason, it seems to be much more prevalent here.  Nonetheless, it is nice to have some sort of an idea as to how things should go.  

In Guyana we have sand to sled on!

A very PCV Christmas

I enjoyed my Christmas and New Year’s here and am surprised I am already into February.   For Christmas, a bunch of volunteers got together in a town called Linden.  We had a big BBQ, we swam in a black water creek, went on a hike, and even attempted to sled down a big sand hill.  Yes!  Linden has hills!  I returned briefly back to site where I wrapped and shared out some Christmas gifts with my neighbors.  It was pretty fun because I don’t think they really wrap gifts here so all the kids took their time to neatly unwrap the paper.  I remember when I was little I just tore into my presents and could care less about the paper.  

My neighbors and I celebrating Christmas

The next weekend I went into town and rang in the New Year with more volunteers.  It was really nice to get together and we danced most of the way through Old Year’s night to New Year’s Day.  New Year’s is not as big of a deal here as in the U.S. so we had the place we went to pretty much all to ourselves.  They did however, have a ball drop!  Although they announced “30 seconds until the New Year!” and then a bit later, “Sorry we are having technical difficulties with the ball drop, but its 2013!!”  So we missed the final countdown but that is just kind of how it is here.  

Work has started back, although my classes are finishing, which presents a new challenge.  Our GAD group has also started to plan for Camp GLOW August 2013. I took an AMAZING trip to see some fellow volunteers in a small village up near the Venezuelan border.  I think I was in the most remote area I have ever been in (I will explain this trip in more detail just now).   My friend Tara is also coming to visit in one week so I certainly will have more stories to come.

 

So much has happened this past year and I’m sure 2013 will have its own share of memorable events.  I am now armed with a few expectations for this year so I’m looking forward to see how it all pans out.  

I hope everyone is doing well and are surviving the winter!  Spring will be here before you know it.  :-)

Lots of Love,

KB

Happy 7 Months and Get GLOWING!

My GUY24s have survived 7 months in Guyana!  In June we had a Peace Corps conference called Re-Connect where our whole group was reunited after 3 months at site. It seems like everyone has been doing a pretty good job calling Guyana home.  We were all really excited to catch up, swap stories, and celebrate.  Not to mention we were staying at a really nice hotel with hot water, air conditioning, delicious food, a pool (these things are the ultimate luxury to a PC Volunteer).  We also had the chance to explore Georgetown (the capital city) a bit more.  I live about an hour and 45 mins away from it, so it’s not too far, but it can be expensive to travel there often.  It is worth a visit because Georgetown has some really good food, such as Bruster’s Ice Cream, a new Quiznos, New Thriving (a giant Chinese restaurant with delicious pastries and dim sum), and a women who makes the most unbelievably delicious Venezuelan subs.  Can you guess what I did while I was in Gtown?  We also got to go out a bit and “bruk it down.”   

I mentioned earlier that I’m on a Gender and Development taskforce for Peace Corps.  There are 6 of us and we are in charge of Camp GLOW, a girl’s leadership and empowerment camp.  We really didn’t know what to expect.  The camp site was located off of a highway that had had some security issues, so we were fretting about whether we would be able to have camp there or not.  In the end, it all worked out and I can barely begin to tell you how awesome camp was.  We packed up a truck and a bus filled with food and materials for the week and drove up to our camp site, which was a training center/college.  We stayed in dorms, where we all were in one big room with bunk beds, VERY camp-like. 

 We had seven Guyanese counselors and they were so great.  They were really excited for camp and to meet all of the girls.  In total, we had 43 girls ages 13-17 and some had to fly in from their villages to get to camp.  Camp was packed with so many different activities, from sessions on healthy body image, leadership skills, and reproductive health to arts and crafts, water balloon fights, swimming, campfires with marshmallows and sing-a-longs, to some very deep, heartfelt moments.  It was a rollercoaster ride of laughing, hugging, crying, singing, running around, and dancing.  I know this next comment is super cheesy ( hey I LOVE cheese!), but at times I felt like my heart was singing because we had created such a supportive, nurturing, and fun environment, where these girls felt like they could learn and grow.  Many of them had never had an opportunity like that before.  Now organizing and carrying out camp was no easy task.  There was lots of rushing around to organize transport, making sure food got out on time, and praying that no one would get too seriously hurt playing around (another PCV and I were in charge of first aid).  I can honestly tell you though that everything was absolutely worth it and I am so excited to do it all again next year.  We are even looking to do smaller versions of the camp in some of the villages that our GLOW girls are from.  

Getting back to my site felt a lot like putting on an old shoe. I said hi to familiar neighbors, bought greens from my usual stand, and had kids knocking on my door again.  Things seemed pretty much where I left them and it felt nice to get back to some sort of a routine.  Upon my return I attended a workshop on Domestic Violence and helped out at another PCV’s camp with much younger children.  Pretty much worn out, I proceeded to sleep the majority of the next weekend.  I couldn’t even be bothered to put up my mosquito net properly (that ended up being a bad idea).  

Now I am surrounded by a few wisps of left over excitement from camp nearly two weeks back.  I also have been hit with some post camp blues or culture shock round… (Should I even count the rounds anymore?).  I think I noticed it after I began incessantly cleaning my house and was in a bad mood.  Peace Corps is full of ups and downs and I think you have to know when to put up a fight and when you really should let things go.  In some ways I now feel really integrated, I know a lot more people and feel that my students are getting to know me better.  Then there are times when people will make fun of me or I’ll be in a place full of people and don’t really know what to say or do.  It can be tough when you can’t be 100% yourself because you still have to shape yourself to fit a cultural mold you are not quite accustomed to.  Then there is the need to be productive.  Camp was a high energy, go glow go, event.  There was always something to do and completing the tasks made sense.  Back at site there are still the questions of am I being an effective volunteer?  Am I making the impact I think I should be making?  There are a million directions to go in, which one do I choose?  

“Miss?  Are we gonna get to do health promotion in the community?  Maybe we could do a health fair?  Ohh and I would like to do some sort of exercise class…”

“Dear Krista, I was reading your Nursey Says column and I have a question…….”

“It is the first day of school for your little girl on Monday and she’ll be all dressed up in her new uniform?  Want me to take a picture for you?”

“Really?  You would do that for me? That would be great!”

“Krystal..Can we go check out the library on Thursday?  I think it’s open from 2-4.”

I was so frustrated and full of self-doubt this week that I almost glossed over these wonderful little victories.  Maybe the next steps are to reconsider my expectations, gain the confidence to let things roll off my back, and realize that it’s okay if things don’t pan out.  Those are a lot of things to figure out and I know it will be a process.   I already have to constantly convince myself to let things go.  In the meantime, I guess my house will be very clean, which is never a bad thing.  I am also planning a vacation to Barbados in December so I am pretty excited about that (let me know if you wanna meet me there!)

I will leave you with some other highlights of the week:

Guy: “I’ve always wanted to visit the States…”

Me: “Oh cool, well you could apply for a visa”

Guy: “Well it would be faster if we just got married…”

Neighbor: “Don’t tek his hand!”

Woman: “Hey clear skinned gyal do you want dis?”

Me: “Huh?”

I know that I am a bit pasty white, but I didn’t know Guyana was making me become transparent!  

 We also did a back to school camp fire at my house!  I introduced my little neighbors to S'Mores!

Back to school camp fire

Floyd was not the biggest fan of them!

 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day weekend in the States!  Miss you all!

-KB

Just Living

This post isn’t about a particular story or cross cultural comparison, to me, it is just about life.  Don’t get me wrong, life is the most valuable thing we possess, but once the adjustments have been made and the cultural shock starts to wear off, that is what you get, life.  It is the day to day, the things you laugh at to yourself, the small yet amazing things.  My co-workers love quotes (I do too) and one was saying that the only constant thing in life is change.  I see it.  I see it with friends I haven’t talked to in a while.  They are traveling the world, forming new relationships, moving to new cities, getting new jobs, getting engaged.  I see it with myself.  Yesterday I entered the bathroom (think small area) in my house to duke it out with a giant flying cockroach.  If that were me a few months ago, I would have shut the doors, plugged up the cracks and waited for the thing to die.  A cockroach is nothing compared to the giant deadly centipede that crawled into my house and even that wasn’t terrible (Okay, I might have screamed)

Bugs are bigger in Guyana!

 
.  I think I’ve been watching a little too much How I Met Your Mother but there is a line in there that says eventually, we become our own doppelgängers.  A dopplegänger is basically a twin or look a-like.  Change is inevitable, but we always walk with (that is the Guyanese expression for carry) some semblance of ourselves.  

Of course there are times when I miss my friends and family, but then I realize that everyone is changing, living, and growing themself, so if you think things will be the same, you will be left behind.  Sometimes I do want to be there changing alongside everyone else, but my past self decided more than a year ago, that the best way for me to change and grow (besides helping people and learning a new culture) was to join the Peace Corps, not stay at home.  The thing is, I know who I was at home, and I know the path I probably would have taken.   At times I desperately crave that path.  I see a lot of other people taking it, running down it at full speed and I am the turtle taking my sweet time.  Slow and steady wins the race right?   It is both exhilarating and frightening, because here in Guyana, everything is up in the air.  But I have to remind myself that life is not a race.  When it comes down to it, you have to pave your own path and of course keep your connections with the people you love and care about.  

I think I am starting to pave my own path here.  I don’t own any steamrollers or asphalt, but I am an established white girl with a bucket full of gravel that I’ve been tossing around.  I have become very busy these past two weeks and expect to stay that way, at least until September.  I have three different public health related classes that I teach, which all involve lesson planning.  Lesson planning is a lot of work and I really admire all of my teachers and am truly sorry if I ever fell asleep or acted out in class.  I also never realized that I enjoy teaching. 

 

Teaching reproductive health to my students

  I used to have really bad fears of public speaking, but I’m getting over that and finding my own voice.  You get to be creative and it is really amazing to see when a student understands something or shows interest in what you are talking about.  Outside of the classroom, I hold computer classes at lunch for students to research a health topic while acquiring basic computer skills.  So they are secretly learning more about health while practicing computer skills (muwahahaha!).  I also was able to get a health column gig for a newspaper here that an old volunteer used to write. 


  Each week I write about a health topic with local appeal.  I am very thankful to have had some practice with this at an internship I had before Peace Corps.  I also became a member of the Gender and Development Task Force for Peace Corps.  The taskforce is meant to promote gender equality through awareness and skill building activities.  One of those activities is Camp GLOW!  It is a week-long camp to empower and give life skills to girls coming up in August.  If you would like to know more about it (and donate!) please click here.  

I try to get something related to those things mentioned above done during the work day.  Most of the time when I come home, I just want to cook food and relax. Very rarely that actually happens.  The neighborhood kids are always out and about to greet me right as I walk through my gate.  Sometimes they have homework assignments and others they just want to play and hang out.  I try to make Sundays our day.  We will do crafts, have movie nights, or even a dance party or two.

Making Easter Eggs with the kids, something they don't normally do

Making Masks

Making sugar cookies

  
   One Sunday there was a high-speed (well as fast as you can travel on a largely pot holed road) chase between the police and some flatbed truck.   It was very strange to see and luckily the kids weren’t out playing on the road.  I heard that they caught the truck about 30 minutes outside of my town, but still don’t know what the culprits did. 

My Nursey Says Column

I have been here almost five months and have already changed in quite a few ways.  For example, now I see myself as a teacher, a newspaper columnist, a camp counselor, and some sort of a big sister.  Did I expect those things when I signed up to be a health volunteer? No, not really.  Am I happy to play those roles? Absolutely!  I am hoping to add community member to that list, but it takes time.  For now, “whitey” “snowflake” “snow white” “white gyal”  or “snow angel” are used to describe me when I am out and about; I’ve always been pale and so I don’t see that one changing.

Until next time!

-KB