The Two Week Warning

I am leaving in about two weeks’ time, yet it doesn’t feel like it.  I am busy as always, finishing things up, making the most of my time.  Sleep is starting to become optional.  I’d rather spend as much time with people as I can.  I walk the streets here comfortable, like I’ve been here for a while; I have been here a good while but only a blip in the terms of my life.  I watch people, the woman at the shop tending to customers, children making fun of each other on their bikes; it will all go on when I am gone.  People will continue to do the same things they have always done.  The only difference is that I will no longer be here.  At this moment, I can’t imagine what it will be like to not be coming back here, it hasn’t sunk in yet and I’m not sure when it will.  Actually, I’m a little frightened of that moment to be honest.  I’m at a point where I know it is coming, I know it is going to hurt, there is nothing that makes me want to leave, but still my next adventure is calling me so it is time to go.

I think your eyes are open widest when you are seeing a place for the first time and then for the last time.  When I first got here I was making observations, trying to figure out what it all meant, what people were doing, learning what sights and sounds should be familiar.  Now it makes sense.  I have to keep myself from laughing sometimes because I recognize certain things as “so Guyanese,” things that only really happen when you live here.   Yet I’m still meeting new people and every time I do new doors open to things I haven’t seen before.  And I thought two years was a long time.   We had our Close of Service Conference at the end of January, which was supposed to be a reflective, emotional time to say good bye to each other and hang out. Unfortunately, a crazy stomach bug struck, reminding us that even after two years, life in Guyana is still unpredictable and it still can be tough to get by sometimes.  I think that is another reason why leaving doesn’t quite seem real.  Our COS didn’t really seem like a COS.  I also have been working like normal.  I’m finishing up my courses at school, and will probably work until the last week I’m here.  I am not one to sit around and take a long time to pack.  If I sit alone for too long you might as well buy me boxes of tissues because all I will do is cry for a good portion of the time.  I really don’t like doing that so I try to remain busy and if I don’t acknowledge things too much, it isn’t really happening.  IGNOREance is bliss right?

I was away from site for a bit with a whole set of doctors and dentist appoints you have to go through with COS stuff.  Goodness!  I was pretty ready to get back after my medical appointments and follow-ups kept me out of my site for 6 days.  I ended up getting 8 moles removed, which I would have thought to be a minor procedure, but I was admitted to the hospital for the day.  I went to the OR (Operation Theatre here), got stiches for the first time, and everything.  It did make me very excited that I will be doing nursing in the fall, so I will actually know what things are and proper procedures for things.  It definitely was an interesting experience and I have realized that I will never make a good patient.  It was really hard to let a nurse walk me to a place or listen to her when I should have been lying down in bed.  Normally, I like to take care of people, so it was really weird to have someone assisting me.

Despite trying to wind things down, I feel like they are winding up in a way. I attended a mini-BRO (Brothers Reaching Others) a boy’s leadership camp in Linden.  I was very excited to be a part of this because it symbolizes the start of a next venture for the Gender and Development Taskforce.  We have put on girl’s camps and a large boy’s camp is our next step.  It is just really cool to see something you have thought about and planned for become a reality.  It shows me that we have made some amazing strides in this area.    I also got the GLOW girls from my area together for a little party.  We made pizzas, cookies, and watched movies.  It was just a fun day to hang out, relax, and reminisce a bit about camp.  It also helps to keep our network of girl strong and encourages them to support one another, plus I love hanging out with them and seeing what they are up to.   

One of my most recent moments that really just astounded me (in a good way) was the training I led for the Cancer Society.  We all recognized that the members wanted training so that they too could give health talks about cancer and improve their own knowledge; we just never found a good time to do it.  Since I am leaving so soon, we finally arranged a date.  I asked the President to call the members and tell them I would bring a snack as a somewhat motivator for them to come out.  Normally, we get a handful of members at our meetings and I really expected the same amount.  When I arrive at the meeting, there were over 15 members there ready for the training.  I couldn’t believe it!  I am not sure if it was because I am leaving, because they were threatened (a joke), or what, but I was impressed.   Even more encouraging, all members listened and interacted for over two hours!  I made macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, and cookies as a dinner / reward for the hard work they put into the session.  They were all so excited about the information and I think about having the tools now to go help others.  These women are simply community members that care about raising awareness about cancer and their willingness to learn simply humbled me in an inexplicable way.  I had to hide the tears that came to my eyes when we were closing our meeting because I was so proud and touched by each and every member.  One older woman came up and gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and dashed away in smiles. 

I never intended to make great waves being here, to build anything great, or to be rewarded and praised for doing a whole set of things.  I only brought some knowledge that I learned through my studies and was willing to put the time and energy into working with who ever wanted to learn.  I always remember a slide in one of my lectures that says “health promotion is not done to, on or at people, but rather by working with people.”  This might have been one of my top moments here, working with these women so that they can do something big. 

Two weeks and I will no longer be a PCV, I will embark on a next journey that will surely include finding ways to keep these moments I’ve had in Guyana alive. 

I think I will have one last post before I head out.    Spring better don come out der up North cuz me not able wit all dem snow storms up der budday… :-)

-KB

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig…

I was reading a PC blog the other day that included tips about PCVs going home.  It mentioned that we shouldn’t expect other people to want every single detail of our PC experience if we ourselves haven’t been in tune with every detail of our friends and family’s lives.  Admittedly, I find my life here quite different than living in the U.S. but whether in Guyana or the U.S. we all have our day to day occurrences.  Truthfully, no one is going to listen to all of them all at once and I can’t even remember them all anyway.  That is the main reason why I chose to write this blog about my experiences, so I can remember some of my thoughts and feelings about my service here and so that I can share some things more regularly with you. 

Now that I have gotten off track (my mind these days), let me get back to what I wanted to share.  In Peace Corps, I feel like things are always a little more uncertain than life at home.  I expected that I would only come home once during my service.  First of all it is expensive to travel back and forth, we have limited vacation days, and it’s just really hard to be back and forth between two different lives so to speak.  However, towards the end of October, I was realizing more and more that I was starting to feel burnt out.  I had had a packed summer, October I don’t think I was home one weekend, and then I had more activities in November.  Not to mention grad school apps, finishing my Masters work, and the limitless paper work impending for COS. 

I was sitting on a mini bus one day and I just craved being home; I needed a break, I needed to be with my family, I needed to get myself in order.  Luckily, my parents are amazing and were excited to have me home too.  I attended an AWESOME mini GLOW in Linden, which always recharges my spirit here and hopped on a plane the next day.  

All of a sudden I found myself standing on the streets of NYC bleary eyed and freezing searching for a Chipotle before I embarked on the next 4 hour bus ride leg of my journey.  Unlike last time, I barely told anyone I was coming home.  I just wanted to relax and spend time with my family.  Instead of cramming in everything all at once, things happened more organically.  I had no expectations and no real set plans and it was glorious.  I cooked what I wanted, explored some restaurants, and just was completely lazy at times.

My late November arrival put me right in line to celebrate on of my most favorite holidays; Thanksgiving.  My mom has a big family so we all get together and have a big delicious dinner. 

It was even more important to be there this year because it was the first without my uncle.  He recently passed away and Thanksgiving I think was one of his favorite holidays as well.  I couldn’t fathom the idea of my family getting together, remembering and honoring him and not being there.  I missed last Thanksgiving dearly, so I know this year would have been even worse.  It was definitely a bitter sweet day.  I loved seeing all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, but you could tell someone was missing.  The good thing about a big family though is that we are all there to support one another and it is also amazing to see the new generations of our family.  I also realized that a lot more people follow my blog than I thought.  It was really encouraging to hear that a lot of my family follows these posts and I really appreciate it!

As my parents and I drove down from New York, we looked for little off the beaten path restaurants.  I can remember taking lots of these types of long car rides, finding little places, and just enjoying ourselves.  We never really did the big, Disneyland trips, or traveled to really touristy places.  In a way I think this is why I appreciate the little places I come across here in Guyana or anywhere I travel.  I marvel at the small things, like really good food shops, and every so often I feel the need to get out and see something new, even if it isn’t that significant. 

After this past visit home, I feel much more comfortable with the idea of living back in the U.S.  When I visited home the first time, I wasn’t ready to be back; I simply still had a lot left to do in Guyana. I went to board my bus to New York and the bus manager happened to be Guyanese.  She exclaimed “You are going to Guyana?!  I wish I were going there!” I had to smile a little. I have met many Guyanese who want to come to the U.S., and this woman was yearning for Guyana.  I could relate though, no matter where you are there is always a wholesome, nostalgic feeling that compels you home from time to time.  When I touched down in Guyana I noticed any pangs of extreme culture shock were over.   As I stepped off the plane I switched U.S. mode off and Guyana mode on.  Without really blinking, I gave an impromptu speech for the end of our exercise class and helped out at another awesome mini-GLOW.  Somehow I have always hit the ground running here.  The only difference is that now I find myself saying goodbye to a lot of things.  As I was driving out of Black Bush from our minicamp, I realized that that might be the last one I do, the last time I’m even in Black Bush or see some of our campers.  Black Bush was one of the first rural sites I visited when I was first allowed to spend the night out of my own site.  How hospitable the people were and how different their community was compared as my own.  We have had many phenomenal GLOW girls come from that area and while it’s not a place I have visited often, it has made a big impression on me, just as a lot of villages and people in Guyana have. 

I expect to have a lot more moments like this in the next few months.  The next few months are actually all I have left.  It will be a mix of cramming in everything I still need/want to do here, freaking out about what I will do after PC, as well as figuring out how to leave things.  I know you need to have a goodbye in order to go on to the next thing, in which I have a lot of great adventures coming up, but it still doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier.  And somehow no matter what I do, my eyes always seem to be allergic to goodbyes. 

As this is somewhat of a Thanksgiving post, I can tell you I am always and forever thankful for my family and friends that I have all over.  I also am extremely thankful for the opportunity to see so many amazing things here in Guyana, whether it is the beauty of the land, learning about the culture, or watching the lives of people change and grow, my experiences here have influenced me greatly.  Also I am grateful for the perspective to be thankful for the things I have never had to know and for the challenges that have made me a stronger individual.  Finally, I am thankful for the opportunity to know such a great uncle.  He will be greatly missed, but I know I am a better person because he has touched my life and that his memory will always live on within me.

-KB

The Year of No Expectations

I have been thinking a lot about how I wanted to write my first year reflection.   I also figured I’d better just start and get it over with because I know how time goes here.  

“Expectation is the root of all heartache”-William Shakespeare

The Demerara river the separates Wizmer and Mckenzie

Upon submitting my application to Peace Corps, I was told to have no expectations.  Do not expect anything about where you will end up, how you will be living, or the job you will be doing.  Expectations lead to disappointment and only muddle your experience.  Well that sounded easy enough.  I am pretty open-minded, would go most places, and as long as I was working in health I was good to go.  Unfortunately, being open-minded and having no expectations are two different things.  I expected to serve in Guatemala and that turned out to be my first lesson in the no expectations rule.  Having no expectations even meant that you were not guaranteed to go anywhere, even if they said you would.  I wasn’t about to touch the hot pot twice, so I really tried to let everything go.  I put my faith in the process and hoped for the best.  Of course, no matter how hard you try not to have them, expectations are always there.  I certainly had to wrangle with a few when I came here and probably still am.  The thing about having certain expectations in the Peace Corps is that every individual’s experience is completely different.  I know that is one of those cliché Peace Corps statements, but everyone is in such a unique situation.  We all miss different things or people from home, some cultural things might bother some more than others, we all live in different houses with all sorts of neighbors, and of course we all work in different places.  How we react to everything, how we cope, is all up to each individual volunteer.  The place you might have expected to be might have been the worst place for you.  You never really know.  The beauty with not expecting much is that you become an open vessel.  As you go along, you become filled with the things around you and you begin to accept life in a new form, for better or for worse.  If you are full to begin with, how would you have room for anything more?

Walking around Linden

For the past year, I have tried to live in Guyana with as few expectations as possible, just trying to soak it all in.  Believe me; I have become saturated with so many things. Now as I enter year two, I get to have some expectations again.  I know to arrive to meetings about 15 minutes late so I get there “on-time.”  I know I will see some assortment of livestock running around on my way to work.  More importantly, I have more realistic expectations as to what I could accomplish here.  I use ‘could’ because I also recognize that I am still in Peace Corps, I am still living in a foreign country and I know the unexpected can happen anywhere, but for some reason, it seems to be much more prevalent here.  Nonetheless, it is nice to have some sort of an idea as to how things should go.  

In Guyana we have sand to sled on!

A very PCV Christmas

I enjoyed my Christmas and New Year’s here and am surprised I am already into February.   For Christmas, a bunch of volunteers got together in a town called Linden.  We had a big BBQ, we swam in a black water creek, went on a hike, and even attempted to sled down a big sand hill.  Yes!  Linden has hills!  I returned briefly back to site where I wrapped and shared out some Christmas gifts with my neighbors.  It was pretty fun because I don’t think they really wrap gifts here so all the kids took their time to neatly unwrap the paper.  I remember when I was little I just tore into my presents and could care less about the paper.  

My neighbors and I celebrating Christmas

The next weekend I went into town and rang in the New Year with more volunteers.  It was really nice to get together and we danced most of the way through Old Year’s night to New Year’s Day.  New Year’s is not as big of a deal here as in the U.S. so we had the place we went to pretty much all to ourselves.  They did however, have a ball drop!  Although they announced “30 seconds until the New Year!” and then a bit later, “Sorry we are having technical difficulties with the ball drop, but its 2013!!”  So we missed the final countdown but that is just kind of how it is here.  

Work has started back, although my classes are finishing, which presents a new challenge.  Our GAD group has also started to plan for Camp GLOW August 2013. I took an AMAZING trip to see some fellow volunteers in a small village up near the Venezuelan border.  I think I was in the most remote area I have ever been in (I will explain this trip in more detail just now).   My friend Tara is also coming to visit in one week so I certainly will have more stories to come.

 

So much has happened this past year and I’m sure 2013 will have its own share of memorable events.  I am now armed with a few expectations for this year so I’m looking forward to see how it all pans out.  

I hope everyone is doing well and are surviving the winter!  Spring will be here before you know it.  :-)

Lots of Love,

KB